


The Chronicles of Everyone Else Getting Their Shit Together

by Crowdog



Series: The Chronicles of Karai Getting Her Shit Together [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (IDW Comics), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Bonus Content, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Secret Bonus Content, do not copy to other sites
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2021-01-23 20:34:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21326269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowdog/pseuds/Crowdog
Summary: Suggestions/Requests?No promises but drop a comment, (I won't do anything in Leo or Karai third person POV). I use this fic to fight writers block and because I write scenes that just don't fit in with the main story.
Series: The Chronicles of Karai Getting Her Shit Together [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544218
Comments: 104
Kudos: 48





	1. The Index | Chapter Guide

** Chapter 2: Alligator Hugs **

Pub. Date: _05-NOV-2019_

POV: _Mikey_

When: _After Chapter 28_

Summary: _When Leo is drugged by Master Splinter for his own good, Mikey becomes overwhelmed. He is calmed down by his friend Leatherhead who offers the youngest Hamato some comfort during the family crisis._

** Chapter 3: Don't Worry, I'm Here **

Pub. Date: _10-NOV-2019_

POV: _April_

When:_ During Chapter 29_

Summary: _April comforts Donnie in the hours after his tail is reset, hoping to offer the delirious turtle some comfort she also discovers more about her psychic abilities._

** Chapter 4: Cold Hands **

Pub. Date: _13-NOV-2019_

POV: _Donnie_

When: _During Chapter 16_

Summary: _Donnie catches Leo and Karai holding hands in the barn, he decides to have a little fun at his brother's expense. Later, April and Donnie are mad their rigged radio station didn't result in Leo and Karai finally kissing._

**Chapter 5: Forty Nine Place Holders**

Pub. Date: _13-NOV-2019_

POV: _Raph_

When: _During Chapter 23_

Summary: _After Karai finds Leo cutting on the porch, she retrieves Raph to help. Raph can't help but feel angry as he helps Leo, even if neither of them say a single word._

** Chapter 6: Meanwhile: Casey Jones (Part 1) **

Pub. Date: _17-NOV-2019_

POV: _Casey_

When: _During Chapter 35_

Summary: _Casey Jones must say goodbye to Raph and face an uncertain future. He gladly reunites with his little sister Amy and her friend Chloe only to find the two working on a very interesting comic book about Chloe's imaginary friend "Mr. Turtle"._

**Chapter 7: Burning At The Stake With Me**

Pub. Date: _24-NOV-2019_

POV: _Donnie_

When: _During Chapter 36_

Summary: _After Donnie's night terror, it is revealed that April experienced the same nightmare due to the psychic bond she has been forming with Donnie._

**Chapter 8: A Father's Thoughts**

Pub. Date: _02-DEC-2019_

POV: _Master Splinter_

When: _During Chapter 35_

Summary: _When Master Splinter awakes to find Leo and Karai missing he searches for them and finds something even more concerning than their initial absence._

**Chapter 9: Breakfast in Bed**

Pub. Date:_ 25-JAN-2020_

POV:_ Mikey_

When:_ During Chapter 9_

Summary:_ Mikey takes breakfast upstairs to have with Leo after his close call._

**Chapter 10: Fuck, Marry, Kill**

Pub. Date:_ 12-FEB-2020_

POV:_ April_

When:_ During Chapter 39_

Summary:_ During a power outage The Turtles introduce April to their own version of "Fuck, Marry, Kill." Let the chaos begin.  
_

**Chapter 11: Listening Is An Act Of Love**

Pub. Date:_ 12-MAR-2020_

POV: _Master Splinter_

When:_ During Chapter 39_

Summary:_ While Leonardo struggles with worsening suicidal thoughts, Yoshi offers his son the space to say what he feels without belittling his words. After all the best thing a parent can do is listen to their child, not tell them that what they are saying is something they don't really mean._

**Chapter 12: The Routine**

Pub. Date:_ 20-MAY-2020_

POV:_ Donnie_

When:_ During Chapter 38_

Summary:_ Raph has a very specific routine for whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night.  
_

**Chapter 13: Leo's Big Score**

Pub. Date: _27-DEC-2020_

POV: _Donnie_

When: _Pre-story_

Summary:_ With an approaching winter storm, Leo comes back with a lot of KFC that he supposedly found in the road. How will his family react to the haul?_

* * *

**Scene by Scene in a Sentence**

* * *

** Chapter 1: PROLOGUE **

**1**

Karai attempts to attack Leo while he privately practices rollerblading and isn’t successful.

**2**

Karai dares Leo into eating a ball of wasabi while not eating her own.

**3**

As revenge for the wasabi trick Leo lures Karai to a field of sprinklers about to turn on.

**4**

After learning The Shredder is Karai’s father, Leo breaks into her room to apologize and finds her hurt.

**5**

Karai finds Leo while he’s searching for Raph and they talk about the disastrous training session the two had.

**6**

Karai and Leo eat Chinese Food while he tells her about a giant fear inducing mushroom he killed with sunlight.

**Chapter 2: No Feet To Stand On**

**December 17th, 2013 | 2:00 pm**

As the invasion unfolds Karai searches for the turtles and finds a crazy Splinter instead.

**December 17th, 2013 | 5:45 pm**

Karai finds a seemingly safe home in the city and frees an animal named Mr. Tubbs from a glass tank, this will end up being a poor decision.

**December 18th, 2013 | 9:15 am**

Karai questions her life choices when Mr. Tubbs turns out to be a Chinese Cobra, and is now loose in the house.

**January 7th, 2014 | 8:35 pm**

Karai and Mr. Tubbs form a bond of trust and watch Jeopardy upon a heating blanket.

**Chapter 3: The Best-laid Plans of Snakes and Men**

**January 8th, 2014 | 10:20 am**

Karai searches April’s apartment and finds evidence of a bloody fight.

**January 8th, 2014 | 12:15 pm**

Karai uses a photo of a farmhouse she found in April’s apartment to find the actual farmhouse on Google Maps like a super smart person.

**January 8th, 2014 | 2:00 pm**

While at April’s apartment again to grab supplies for the long slither upstate, Karai is ambushed by Ivan and Anton.

**January 8th, 2014 | 3:30 pm**

The fight is brought back to Karai’s safe house after a tracker on her shirt goes unnoticed, she is forced to flee the city immediately with Mr. Tubbs.

**January 13th, 2014 | 10:05 am**

Karai arrives at the farmhouse and immediately sets Mr. Tubbs free causing her hosts to be less than pleased.

**January 13th, 2014 | 6:10 pm**

Karai awakes from a needed nap and looks for Leo, she learns from Donnie that he is in a coma and not in good shape.

**Chapter 4: Welcome To The Farmhouse**

**January 14th, 2014 | 3:15 pm**

Karai and Mikey find Mr. Tubbs hiding in the bathroom with Raph and Leo, this is the first time Karai sees Leo since learning of his coma.

**January 28th, 2014 | 7:00 am**

Karai learns from April that Donnie and Raph have to tube feed Leo every so often and it stresses the turtles out.

**February 14th, 2014 | 7:30 pm**

Donnie and Raph fight about whether or not Leo will wake from his coma, Karai watches Jeopardy with Mikey since she doesn’t know how to comfort him like a human being.

**February 21st, 2014 | 8:00 pm**

Karai is publicly blasted by Leo’s family for giving him the pet name Blue and sneaking around together.

**February 27th, 2014 | 6:30 pm**

Raph asks Karai to sit with Leo so he can do something with Casey, this is how Karai finds out about Leo’s self harm habit.

**March 31st, 2014 | 11:00 am**

Karai learns Raph and Donnie don’t believe Mikey can talk to nature so she offers to beat them up because violence is the only way she knows how to solve problems.

**March 31st, 2014 | 12:30 pm**

Karai has a healthy sob-a-thon while hiding under the bed.

**April 1st, 2014 | 7:10 am**

Karai gives April the money she stole from Fishface so they don’t have to struggle for groceries, at the same time Raph screams from the upstairs bathroom calling for everyone to get up there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions/Requests?  
No promises but drop a comment, (I won't do anything in Leo or Karai third person POV). I use this fic to fight writers block and because I write scenes that just don't fit in with the main story.


	2. Alligator Hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Leo is drugged by Master Splinter for his own good, Mikey becomes overwhelmed. He is calmed down by his friend Leatherhead who offers the youngest Hamato some comfort during the family crisis.

* * *

July 2nd, 2014 | 11:05 pm

* * *

“Leo!?” the room was spinning, Leo fell backwards and his eyes fluttered closed and it was too much. Mikey was half wrestling Raph to shake Leo back to them because he just passed out and that couldn't be a good thing.

Master Splinter’s hand touched his shoulder, “Michelangelo, he is fine” he said but Mikey couldn’t peel his eyes away from Leo’s slack face. The same slack face he wore in the tub for three and a half months. Not the slack face of someone who ate too much pizza and fell asleep in front of the TV, or stayed up too late building a robot. Leo was gone again just like that.

“What did you do!?” Raph roared, turning his focus to Master Splinter and not their comatose brother. “What do you mean this is fine-”

“Quiet” their father ordered, sending the room into silence. Mikey’s chest felt funny, he kept pushing on Leo but he was gone. He was gone again and his eyes blurred over with tears. It was hard enough that Donnie was missing and hurt and now Leo was… he was. “The tea I have given Leonardo is having the intended effect.”

_The intended effect? To place him back into a coma?_

“After the events of today, and the things that have been brought to light” their father continued, “it is clear Leonardo is a danger to himself-”

“What gives you the right to fucking drug him!” Raph yelled, still above Leo much like Mikey was only he wasn’t crying. He didn’t have tears running down his face but his hands were balled up in the sleeping bag that Leo was laying on so limply. “Why the hell would you-”

“What gives me the right?” Master Splinter asked in a dangerous tone. “Again, Raphael, do explain to me what rights I have as a parent when it comes a crisis involving one of my children.”

Raph paled and ice ran down Mikey’s shell, he wanted to scream about the coma. He wanted to yell and come to Raph’s defense but his older brother floundered under their father's tone and his own voice caught somewhere in his chest and Leo wasn't moving.

Leo wasn't moving.

“Listen to me very carefully my sons” Master Splinter said, “the situation Leonardo is in at this very moment is life threatening, he has also shown to be violent-”

Immediately Mikey whipped his head up, “violent?” he asked, “he was scared!” he cried with the same passion he would if someone called Leatherhead dangerous. He saw Leo’s eyes when he was fighting Raph, and the way he moved… it was wrong, it was unlike Leo, it was frantic and sporadic. Violent? Try backed into a corner with everyone fighting him. Did they know anything about Leo? Or PTSD?

“Yes, and if Raphael was not the trained ninja he so thankfully is we would be looking at an amputation not a laceration” he said sternly.

Mikey shook his head, “so that’s it? He’s too violent so we drug him?”

“That is not the only reason Michelangelo if you let me explain the situation-”

He was out of the room wiping tears out of his eyes and feeling completely lost again. Ignoring the orders for him to come back he felt like he was going to burst. Just like when Donnie said the word “coma” all those months ago followed by “it doesn’t look hopeful” and “we need to remain realistic.” Everything was collapsing in on them. He found himself downstairs, in the main area with his face wet and his hands shaking and his stomach turning over and over like a slinky down a really long and fancy staircase.

It was times like this where he would eat himself sick. He went over to the food storage and debated it. It’s not so much that he gets sick, he gets guilty afterwards though... so guilty he makes himself bring it back up but they don’t have a surplus of food for that so instead he sobbed while hugging a can of condensed tomato soup.

“Michelangelo” Leatherhead said, “what is wrong?”

“Master Splinter drugged Leo because he was violent” Mikey shuddered out, “and he isn’t listening to me or Raph and-” he felt tears falling down his face again, “what if Leo doesn’t wake up again?” he cried out.

“Be calm Michelangelo, I am sure Master Splinter is acting in your brother’s best interest” the alligator soothed placing a large webbed hand around Mikey’s back.

That anger welled up again, “how would you like it if someone drugged you because you had an episode? It wasn’t Leo’s fault!”

Immediately he regretted the way Leatherhead tensed, he didn’t want to yell at his best friend. “I would be very upset” he said after a pause to calm himself.

Mikey nodded, he turned the can of soup in his hands anxiously and Leatherhead gently took it from him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad it just got me thinking because I know we can handle Leo and then… I guess…”

Leo’s arms did get worse though, so maybe him and Raph didn’t have it under control. If they were helping Leo he wouldn’t keep doing that but it actually looked like he had started doing it more.

He sucked air in and sobbed harder, Leatherhead sat next to him and pulled him to his chest so Mikey could sit between his legs with his carapace flush with his belly. “Oh no” he sobbed feeling his whole body shudder, feeling everything slip through his fingers. “I don’t understand Leatherhead, I don’t understand why he's doing this.”

“It is alright, Leonardo is safe upstairs and your father only wants what is best for him” Leatherhead said quietly, his long tail had them both encircled and his arms hugged over Mikey’s chest and middle.

“No” Mikey whimpered, “I mean I don’t understand why he keeps hurting himself.”

Leatherhead squeezed him, like he could squeeze the tears out of him.

“What if I’m a bad brother?” he asked.

“You’re not a bad brother, Michelangelo.

“But I feel like one!” he cried, gripping onto Leatherhead's forearms. “Now if he doesn’t wake up it’ll be all my fault!”

Leatherhead nuzzled his snout on Mikey’s head, “there is nothing here that you are to blame for, it is an unfortunate circumstance. Leonardo will wake up tomorrow, of that I am certain.”

“How am I suppose to sleep knowing he can’t wake up?” he asked, wiping his eyes with the one hand he was able to free from Leatherhead's hug.

“I will stay up with you, my friend.”

“What will we do?” he asked looking up to see mostly just the underside of Leatherhead's scaly jaw and his smooth and scarred up neck.

He grabbed one of Leatherhead’s fingers, “whatever you want” the larger mutant promised curling his finger into Mikey's grip.

“Even if it’s just this?” he asked, desperately hoping he could just spend the night wrapped up with Leatherhead. Safe and secure in his adorable rough scaled arms.

With gentle movements Leatherhead stood up, holding Mikey tightly against him so his feet wouldn’t even touch the ground. “Of course we can” he said, carrying him to his room on the main level. “I will make us a nest.”


	3. Don't Worry, I'm Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April comforts Donnie in the hours after his tail is reset, hoping to offer the delirious turtle some comfort she also discovers more about her psychic abilities.

* * *

July 4th, 2014 | 11:00 pm

* * *

It was cruel how time worked. How the moments she wanted to treasure seemed to last all of a second and the ones she so desperately wanted to be over would drag.

She thought the worst part about finding Donnie again would be explaining to him how things had deteriorated with Leo. Before they left for the city, it had been the one anxiety Donnie held, it kept him up at night. Turned out he was concerned about the wrong scenario. Only hours ago had she witnessed something out of a nightmare. There was only so much words could do to keep Donnie calm during the examination of his broken tail. It was important to remain calm herself, she read that somewhere, that during emergencies it is important to put emotions to the side.

Donnie had no idea where he was at that point. So of course he had screamed and begged when they put him on the table. She could feel his anxiety about straps and vises and instrument holding his eyelids open.

Was it selfish to wish she could have turned that part of herself off for just a moment?

With Donnie, and only with Donnie, the emotions bled over. Before she really knew it she wasn't just hearing his fear of cameras and scopes, she was feeling that fear as well. She almost felt like she was there, and for a second, just before he passed out with his screams still ringing in her ears she heard voices that were not his. They were dead lifeless voices, reading blood pressure, and how many inches the camera had gone into "the subject."

She wasn't so certain in her abilities, and all the things her and Donnie had been working on were about reading cards or predicting the future. Most of her skill had been practiced on Donnie but she could never hear memories or sounds. Just vague things. She could sense suicidal thoughts in Leo, but she didn't feel suicidal as a result. She could feel anger rolling off of Raph but she didn't suddenly absorb that rage herself. She was scared though.

What a weird feeling that was, to be scared of something, of a memory she had never experienced. Even though Donnie was safe in the other cordoned off room, next to his father and injected with some of their very last morphine, she still felt this fear. Like she was strapped... to a table... and the lab coats were there, and her eyes stung and her head pounded. She could feel her heart beating painfully hard even though a finger to the inside of her own wrist told her differently.

She realized it was Donnie.

So using the very same stealth techniques Master Splinter had taught her, she crept out of her sleeping bag and into their room.

The closer she got to him, the worse she felt, the more intense the fear became. She could hear the metal instruments being set on tables. She could hear the ominous hiss of machinery. His body was a radio signal only she was tuned into.

She sat on her legs next to him, every instinct in her body told her to run but she felt restrained. She felt padded restraints around her thighs and ankles. Over her shelled abdomen and her scaled wrists. She was him.

Gently, and with shaking hands she looked to Master Splinter. She hoped he was asleep, Karai, on the other side of him on her own mat was really asleep but Master Splinter could be on guard just pretending. Not knowing exactly what to do she sat by Donnie's head and put the palms of her hands on his temples.

This was new, just like entering their dreams. It was invasive, but if she could pull the main character from a horror movie she would. If she could reach through the television and pluck them out before the hack saw hit their foot... she would.

At first her whole body went rigid as she slipped into his mind. She was literally on the table. She couldn't see, bandages obscured her vision but she could feel the tubes snaking up into parts of her body she didn't actually have. She could feel the screaming like it was her own and she pushed back with her mind.

She changed the channel.

It was as easy as that. They were on the couch watching Jurassic Park. The children were in the kitchen with the raptors.

He looked around wildly, he stood up, "I-" he blinked. "Is this a dream?"

"Come watch the movie with me" she said, giving away nothing. He did, hesitantly, not quite believing what he was seeing. She took his hand.

They watched the movie and Donnie calmed down, she put her head on his shoulder and he propped his legs up on the coffee table.

"This is a dream isn't it?" he asked again.

Reluctantly she nodded, "you were having a nightmare before."

"I know."

"I could feel it, I had to do something" she said pushing closer into his side.

Donnie nodded, "where are you right now?"

"I think I laid down at some point but I'm right next to you, you're asleep, loaded up with painkillers and fluids and Master Splinter is two feet away" she explained.

He nodded, "okay, this is a nice dream, even if I find this all hard to believe."

"I'm really here Donnie" she said.

He would never slip into those memories again.

* * *

July 8th, 2014 | 7:09 am

* * *

So it of course didn't stop just there. Donnie slept a lot. Twenty one hours a day and they kept an IV in him and he kept slipping back to the table or the cell and she kept changing the channel.

She still heard and felt things.

Like Karai taking care of him, their conversations.

There was no privacy sadly. She was invading his mind and now those memories were her's as much as they were Donnie's.

"Don't worry, I'm here" she would make sure he knew every time he fought sleep, struggling to hold onto confusing consciousness. She would massage his hands and whisper that it was okay. He was too out of it to really talk coherently or even form a witty sentence.

That's how they survived the first few days, and it was heart breaking when he realized it wasn't a dream. She was actually there, he wasn't dreaming her up. Maybe against better judgement she showed him one of her memories, of going to a water park. Only she couldn't make people up so it was just them. It was surreal to have a water park all to their selves on a hot sunny day. She felt less shitty about showing him something from her mind instead of taking something from his without permission.

It was something to do at least.

It gave them something better to talk about.

"When I'm awake I remember these dreams like their memories" he said, walking hand in hand with her along the pool edge, the cement was warm and she could feel it like she was eight again. "Which shouldn't be possible because that would mean..."

He didn't need to spell it out, her face gave it away.

"Are you just constantly making a better dream for me?" he asked.

Of course she wasn't. She had to sleep sometime.

Explaining that meant explaining she sometimes invaded his private memories. "That dream last night, where you fixed your first microscope when you were twelve, I might have found a good long memory for you to relive while I caught some sleep".

His brow creased. They stopped walking. The smell of chlorine was pungent most likely because it was the only smell she associated with public pools.

"I'm sorry-"

"You're sorry?" he started, "how many days!?"

"Four" she said, "you need to be still, but the nightmares might make you squirm and your tail needs to stay straight-"

"You've been doing this for four days?" He asked, his voice getting higher. "April you must have a full blown migraine by now-"

"I'm just more tired than usual" she said, "that's all, I promise, I'm just sorry I have seen some memories you might not want me to but it's like I can literally read your mind sometimes and I can't help it."

It was upsetting so the park evaporated and they were both enveloped in darkness.

"I'm sorry" she whispered into the void.

"Don't be sorry... this is amazing" he breathed. "You can make others see things, and feel things... I could feel the sun April."

It made her blush, to hear the awe in his voice.

"You're amazing."

An idea struck her, "have you ever been to Six Flags?" she asked.

"No, of course not" he said, and she concentrated hard.

Just like that they were standing at the entrance of the park she went to with her aunt when she was nine, the one in New Jersey. "Then what are we waiting for?" she asked, taking his hand and leading him into the completely empty park.

After all, time was cruel... the road to recovery was long, why shouldn't they try to make the very best of it along the way?


	4. Cold Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie catches Leo and Karai holding hands in the barn, he decides to have a little fun at his brother's expense. Later, April and Donnie are mad their rigged radio station didn't result in Leo and Karai finally kissing.

* * *

May 23rd, 2014 | 2:03 pm

* * *

His beloved pressure sensor, left in the barn of all places! Oh the humanity! “Oh there you are!” Donnie cooed, he had so many plans for the party wagon. His mind was a buzz, his fingers itched now in the solitude of the barn with no distractions like Mikey's weird fascination with Fishface and Rahzar. “I can’t believe I left you out here all night!”

Then, movement. There was someone hiding behind the truck. Quietly he moved to stand behind the truck to see Karai and Leo with their backs to him on the ground.

“Are you two okay?” he asked. Obviously, he had interrupted something.

Both of them turned around in shock.

“Uh” Leo fumbled.

Keeping his older brother off balance Donnie pushed forward, “why are you two crouched back here?” he asked, idly twirling his pressure sensor. Oh it was rare to catch Leo doing anything bad. “Were you two spying on us?”

Highly unlikely, Leo isn’t the type to eavesdrop. Karai might, but Leo was more direct with his inquiries.

“No” Leo said quickly, his eyes darting around the barn as he stood up.

Donnie fought down a smile. They were holding hands. More evidence of their relationship, slowly the walls were falling. Hopefully they would kiss by the end of the week. He had a bet with Raph and Casey.

“We were…” unable to lie Leo looked at Karai.

She slowly raised herself up, hay crinkling under her scales. “We-”

“Are you two holding hands?” he asked, throwing them off balance. This was too good, he couldn’t wait to tell April all about this. Oh what he would do for a recording of this, they both looked down at their hands.

Donnie cursed himself, he suddenly understood Mikey’s obsession with pairing him with April. This was painful, watching them so obviously deny their feelings for each other.

Leo, never failing to come up with a bad lie, lied so badly he accidentally told the truth. “My hand was cold” he stammered.

Oh this broke the Geneva Conventions of brotherly embarrassment, surely. Donnie cocked his head, “you’re cold blooded.”

“Which is why my hand is cold” Leo said, his voice getting higher and somehow deciding to double down instead of making up a new reason. Karai closed her eyes for a second. The master of deception and lies standing next to… Leo.

They were still holding hands, he pointed to them with his pressure sensor and also noted how Karai’s tail coiled ever so slightly around Leo’s feet. Not touching him, but he was standing in her circle for sure. Another intimate behavior perhaps. What species of snake was Karai mutated with? He would research later. It could be nothing though. “You two are still holding hands.”

Quickly they dropped each other’s hands.

“Aaaannnnyways” Leo said, “I need to talk to you about the party wagon, and groceries, which is why I came to the barn, to find you.”

Donnie nodded, that was likely half the story, the half his brother was willing to tell. He tapped his pressure sensor against the palm of his hand. Too much coffee this morning. “Right, well I’m headed to the basement if you two want to talk there” he suggested.

“Actually” Karai said, patting Leo’s shoulder and making him tense at her touch. “Now that Leo’s hand is… warm, I have something I need to do.”

Leo smiled, “Sounds good” he said through gritted teeth.

Easily, much too confidently she slithered past him leaving Leo by himself.

When she was out of the barn Donnie cocked an eye ridge “you need to turtle up and kiss her already.”

Leo went wide eyed.

“She is obviously laying down all the signs. Hand holding, playful teasing, seriously Leo I can run the numbers but I’m pretty certain she likes you” he said elbowing his brother.

Leo smiled awkwardly, “about the party wagon” he started.

Donnie allowed him to change the subject, but as soon as he could he was going to tell April everything he had seen.

* * *

May 23rd, 2014 | 3:05 pm

* * *

“I don’t understand” April mused tapping the dry erase marker to her chin.

It was a conundrum. Donnie sat next to her in the alien ship, in front of them was a white board where they had been taking notes on Leo and Karai. Purely for fun and something to break up the monotony.

“I even rigged up that fake radio station” Donnie sighed. "Do you know how many love songs I had to download?"

April nodded, “was it our voice acting?”

“It might have been a little on the nose to do the radio segment” he said, remembering the last minute script.

“Mikey did a good 'nervous teenager' voice though.”

“Yeah” Donnie agreed remembering recording Mikey’s lines for the fake call in for the advice segment. "Eh, if ninjutsu ever fails Mikey he could become a voice actor."

“They really need to just kiss” April groaned.

“We can’t push them into this” Donnie said resting a hand on her shoulder.

She nodded, “oh maybe we could forge love letters?”

Donnie grimaced, “they would have to be non-permanent, they can't confront each other with them then the gig is up” then an idea struck him. “Oh like Karai needs to accidentally stumble upon a draft of a love letter addressed to her and hidden someplace only Leo would hide it. I’ll have Leo write the grocery list so I can get a sample of his handwriting.”

April nodded excitedly, “I can write the letter I’ve been forging my dad’s signature on things for years!”


	5. Forty Nine Place Holders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Karai finds Leo cutting on the porch, she retrieves Raph to help. Raph can't help but feel angry as he helps Leo, even if neither of them say a single word.

* * *

June 15th, 2014 | 11:55 pm

* * *

It was the look on her face and how she slithered into the room and asked if she could talk to him. Karai never “wants” to talk to him. So really there was something wrong, not wrong enough to make a big deal out of it, but wrong enough that she looked upset.

So it was Leo because Karai has a deep caring for him, enough that sometimes she slips up and lets it show on her face.

Four cuts on his arm.

Four cuts because they weren't on him and now Leo was wiping his plastron clean of blood and he hadn't said a word. The silence between them was thick, the water was loud and the pipes rattled. They don't need stitches.

Good.

He didn't like getting Donnie involved if he didn't have to. Donnie always acted like he is about to bite Leo's head off.

Well excuse him for seeing those cuts and getting mad. If anyone ever cut his brothers up he would pop their heads off like the tops of fucking dandelions. Of course he was pissed off. Leo kept slitting his fucking wrist and if Raph had hair he'd pull it out.

He couldn't trust himself not to yell, that wouldn't solve shit anyways. Yet, he didn't have the words to tell Leo it was okay. It wasn't okay his arms were cut open. There were no calming words for this. That was what Mikey and Donnie were good at. Deescalation. Comes with a home life of always having to pry him and Leo apart.

Nothing about this was okay.

Leo was not okay.

What had Donnie said, positive reinforcement if he shows them when he relapses. Well that ain’t easy because he didn’t want Leo cutting in the first place so how are four damn cuts progress?

He kept his jaw clenched and he focused on wrapping Leo’s forearms up tight, pushed down the twist in his gut at the way Leo was just staring at the shower curtain.

_"I know I messed up, and whatever you have to say to me can’t be any worse than what I’ve already said to myself so shove it up your ass!”_

Raph had counted. He counted the cuts when Leo was in the tub, and there were more now than then.

Maybe that number was just a number to Donnie, but for Raph it was forty nine times he failed Leo.

Then he noticed that Leo cuts over old cuts. So there had really just been forty nine fucking place holders. Each scar on his arms represents years of fucking negligence, forty nine fucking places where someone should have been doing something but no one did. Where was he when Leo was doing that?

Where was Leo’s big brother to pop his head in his door every night after going to bed?

Raph felt like shit. Maybe one day he would count them again, and hopefully he'd never have to count them again.


	6. Meanwhile: Casey Jones (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey Jones must say goodbye to Raph and face an uncertain future. He gladly reunites with his little sister Amy and her friend Chloe only to find the two working on a very interesting comic book about Chloe's imaginary friend "Mr. Turtle".

* * *

July 20th, 2014 | 4:00 pm

* * *

"If anything goes haywire" Raph said grabbing him by the shoulders, "you call, and we'll come."

"Yeah yeah" Casey nodded. This sucked. If he could just forget everyone and live with Raph he would. If he could be Raph's brother he would. Raph could be his twin and they could be dumb shits together.

That wasn't how it was gonna go down though.

"I'm serious" Raph pressed.

They were standing in an alley way. A military shelter just a few blocks away. Casey gave all his pot to Raph back at the warehouse, handed off all his nailed up bats and weapons.

Going in as naked as he could. No idea what to expect.

"You know I will" he lied, because he won't, even if it gets bad and fuck it was probably gonna be bad. They got enough shit going on what with Leo and Donnie. He swallowed down the idea that his mom or sister might be dead, Raph knows, he told Raph he was scared. Raph can't walk in there with him though. "See ya Raph" he said with a grin full of gums.

They bumped fists, he made the long walk to the entrance of the camp.

This was going to suck.

* * *

July 20th, 2014 | 5:55 pm

* * *

His little sister Amy was fine, shaken up but fine and she was thankfully with her classmate Chloe and her father. Mr. Rizor smiled and gladly let Casey take the cot near him and his daughter. Amy and Chloe were friends of about a year. Preschool friends, Casey was always dropping her off and picking her up for sleep overs.

That way Amy could spend the weekends with her friend and Casey could spend the weekend in the lair. Raph helping him fake leaving and arriving so no one would know he was literally sleeping in Raph's bed.

Raph had a hammock he would put up and he claimed he slept better in the hammock. Casey always felt like that was a lie.

"What happened to her foot?" Casey asked Mr. Rizor. Chloe's foot was all wrapped up and she had an ice pack on it.

Mr. Rizor blinked, "oh, I don't know, it's traumatic, she won't tell me" he said with a sigh. He was a single dad. Like mom popped out Chloe and booked it kind of single dad.

The girls were drawing, Casey was pretty good at painting but he didn't do a bad pencil sketch. "Hey can I have a piece of paper" he asked, Chloe happily ripped off a sheet of notebook paper. "Thanks".

"Can you watch them?" Mr. Rizor asked, "I am going to grab us some food".

Casey nodded.

Amy was staying pretty quiet but that was the default when shit was tough. She'd clam up. Mom starts yelling at she just hides behind Casey. She seemed pretty invested in what she was drawing.

"You been okay?" He asked sitting closer to her.

She shrugged, black hair in her eyes, too long.

"Seen ma?" He asked. No mom means no point in being here. It means the system. It means Amy going off to strict foster parents and him getting slammed in a group home since he has a record.

Of course, he doesn't tell her that, she's fucking six.

"What're you drawing?" He asked. It almost looked like a comic book. There were panels. It looked like Chloe had drawn the characters and Amy was filling in the background.

Immediately Chloe panicked. "Don't look" she scolded, "it's not done yet!"

"What's not done?" He asked now even more curious.

"My comic book" Chloe said.

"Our" Amy said looking at Chloe expectantly.

This was apparently a thing, a source of contention. "Our" Chloe repeated. "But I'm the author and illustrator" she said, "Amy is just an illustrator."

"Oh" Casey said. 

The girls went back to work.

Casey's curiosity was eating at him. "A comic book huh?" Casey asked sketching up a new mask design, "what's it about?"

The girls mauled this over. "It's a love story" Chloe explained, waggling he eyebrows.

_Oh no._

"Uh, what's it about?" Casey asked.

"It's a secret" Chloe said, "you have to wait until we publish it!"

People kept walking by them, the place was loud but nothing was more intriguing than this comic book. "It's about her imaginary friend" Amy whispered too loudly.

Chloe was immediately offended, "he is not imaginary! He saved me, and he made my foot better."

"Well you know, if you ran me through the story I could, you know, check it for plot holes" Casey said.

The girls shared a glance. Finally Chloe relented and shuffle through her folder. On the cover of the folder the words 'Top Secret Comic Book Keep Out Dad' were written.

Chloe looked everywhere before handing the cover page over to him.

His eyes bugged out of his skull.

"It's a love story" Chloe said, again. Putting a lot of emphasis on love. An uncomfortable amount of emphasis on the word love.

Casey stared at the image. A crude drawing of a turtle man with two swords and a blue mask standing next to a three headed snake with red eyes. To illustrate their love a bunch of hearts were surrounding them.

The title was the best part.

"It's called 'Mr. Turtle and His Wife Save The World'" Chloe whispered. "Based on a true story"

Casey had to swallow down any laughter. This was too good. Chloe must have seen Leo and at some point and decided to draw him.

Now he had his own comic book. Leo would die.

He handed the page back and Chloe quickly stashed her precious art away, "do you two need help coloring in the backgrounds" he asked barely keeping his voice even.

Holy hell he would have to get a copy of the finished comic book and mail it to the freaking farmhouse.

Shame he wouldn't be there to see the chaos it will cause.


	7. Burning At The Stake With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Donnie's night terror, it is revealed that April experienced the same nightmare due to the psychic bond she has been forming with him.

* * *

July 22nd, 2014 | 11:30 am

* * *

Donnie could usually base himself in logic. For example, he knew he was sitting in the dining room of the farmhouse. He could feel the hard chair back against his shell. He shifted in his seat and felt the cushioned ring he was sitting on dip under his weight.

There was no reason to be scared. He could vaguely make out the burgundy and brown blob that was his father. His father hadn't left his side since the night terror. Something Donnie was very grateful for.

He had separation anxiety.

It mostly centered on Raph and Master Splinter. He couldn't find a reason for it. Not really. He was for the most part calm as long as one of them were nearby.

Or unless he had April, forcing him to remain calm.

“They are here” his father said.

Logically it was just a civil conversation. There was no reason to be shaking. He wrung his hands together in his lap. He had a compulsion to keep them near his tail. Just incase.

His body felt weak, he was so tired. Sleep had caused him to scream and wet the bed. Then he learned he April went through something similar.

As soon as April saw him he knew because he felt her joy. She came up to him and hugged him hard where he was sitting in his chair. The scent of her shampoo filled his nose, cucumber, and red color filled his view. “Oh Donnie” she whispered.

He was really shaking, his whole body was shaking. His arms reached up and gently wrapped around her. “I'm sorry-” he tried to say.

She pressed into his mind all her feelings of sympathy. Not a single thing about being mad at him, or regretting what they did in the warehouse. He knew he was radiating guilt and shame.

It was a very brief emotional war. Where he trembled with his guilt, and she tore it down. April was just happy he was okay. “It'll be okay” she said separating herself to actually sit down.

She put her chair right next to his. She locked their elbows together and their parents sat on the other side of the table.

“Is there anything you want to tell us?” Master Splinter asked.

It wasn't easy, but for whatever reason his sweet chinchilla took over explaining her psychic powers. She explained her mother being in the basement, she explained the Chimera that attacked them.

She explained that it was Donnie who had been helping her control her psychic powers.

There were a lot of questions. Questions that Donnie's sleep deprived brain couldn't answer but he had vague answers that he pushed towards April and she made sense of them.

Then she slipped up.

“Well Donnie thinks it's more like a muscle I can exercise to get stronger,” she said. Then she paused. “Actually he takes that back. It's more like I have a really muscular arm and I have no idea how to throw a proper punch.”

Kirby probably made a face or something, he wouldn't know he was blind. “Wait, why does it feel like he is telling you the answers to some of these questions in real time?”

“Because I am” Donnie said.

There was no point in prolonging the inevitable.

“The real reason everyone is here” Donnie started, staring at the table instead of the blobs of color. “Is because last night I couldn't stay awake any longer. I fell asleep and I had a dream that sparked a very intense flashback. And you're here because April experienced the same thing and it's my fault.”

“Donatello” Kirby began, “I do not mean to blame you, and I was only so short on the phone last night because the things April was screaming were very disturbing.”

Disturbing was one word for it.

Dehumanizing was a better one.

“Nothing happened to me Dad” April stressed, “this is really hard to explain even we don't know how we did it… I just did.”

“Did what exactly?” Master Splinter asked. He had up until this point been content to listen.

“Formed a very special connection” April said, “not sex” she added suddenly.

Donnie hated himself. April had experienced what he had in the flashback. She had felt the cameras and the catheters and the tubes. The flesh samples being taken. Every horrible thing they did to him.

“It was my fault” Donnie whispered. “April was just trying to help me.”

April rubbed his arm. "Donnie it's not your fault. I would have never left you to suffer like that-”

“Maybe you should have.”

Kirby was losing his patience. “What did you two do that cause me to have to console my screaming daughter this morning?”

“She was experiencing what happened to me” he heard himself say. He had to disconnect himself from it. “It was nothing too bad really. Standard for basic understanding of the internal workings of a foreign specimen. They put camera up inside me, up into my bladder. A standard colonoscopy. All awake. Very painful. They took some tissue samples” his voice hitched, water dripped onto his lap.

“It w-was to be expected really” he stammered. Which was weird since he had completely accepted and processed what had happened. It didn't seem right that he could feel so suddenly like he was going to be ill.

He also didn't know when or how he ended up back on the couch wrapped in a blanket being held tight to his father's chest.

He didn't know why he was sobbing and choking on the air.

It didn't make sense. He was over it.

He did feel an immense relief when Master Splinter stood up and April too his place. “Turns out I'm not going to Hawaii after all" she said calmly.

He felt another wave as April slipped into his mind. She pushed into his mind all the comforting feelings she could. Soon he felt himself lying curled up on his side on the couch.

April pet his head which rested on her lap. "I’m not leaving" she thought into his mind, "go to sleep."

“I'll have a nightmare” he choked out. He feared sleep.

"I won't allow it."

He felt his father place another blanket over him and squeezed his shoulder. With that, exhaustion took over, his brain couldn't keep running on empty.

He fell asleep.

And just like April promised, he didn't have a single nightmare.


	8. A Father's Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Master Splinter awakes to find Leo and Karai missing he searches for them and finds something even more concerning than their initial absence.

* * *

July 17th, 2014 | 2:33 am

* * *

It was a gift only parents had, one that used to baffle him when Shen would sit up in the middle of the night to check on their daughter because she had a "feeling" something was wrong. Yoshi had always said it was a mother's paranoia, and that the first year or so after giving birth it was common for a woman to be hyper aware of her child.

Now he was victim to this affliction, and it was not the first time. With a steady home he never had the need to check on his children throughout the night. It was actually more important to allow his sons privacy as they developed into young adults. He used his own connection to the world to sense their spirits resting away in their own bedrooms. Given the current state of his family, simply waking up and sensing his children was not enough. It was almost a sign when Donatello mumbled in his sleep prompting Yoshi to adjust his sheet and pillows while his barely awake son quieted.

Then of course he had to check on everyone. He peeked his head in on Casey and Woody, then he checked on April, then he check the last room to find Raphael snoring but the two sleeping areas next to him were empty.

The fact that both Leonardo and Karai were gone was less concerning than perhaps just Leonardo being gone. Calming himself he was reminded that it was specifically requested that if Leonardo found himself in need of the restroom in the middle of the night he wake someone up. It was likely this was the case but it did little to quell the rising panic of a scenario in which Miwa left for some reason and then Leonardo left once he found he was alone with a deeply asleep Raphael.

There was no need to wake up the entire room on a fleeting paranoid thought, there was also the fear that if he did overreact and his son had not sneaked away to self harm or worse, that causing a panic would further embarrass him and further solidify how little he was trusted.

The fact was Yoshi's trust in his eldest son's mental stability was nonexistent. One detailed explanation from Raphael of Leonardo's confirmed suicide attempt was enough to spell that out in large bold letters. Now, quietly maneuvering down the staircase that thought ran amuck around Yoshi's head. For his first destination was the restroom and while he hoped to find his son and estranged daughter in there, there was also the possibility that he would be walking in on something much more devastating. Such as another suicide attempt.

Instead he found the bathroom stall doors open and the sinks empty of any children washing their hands and fear rippled through him as he twitched his snout and looked down. Grabbing the edge of the sink he looked under the counter that protruded from the wall and immediately made eye contact with Leonardo. Sitting in his lap was a person so startlingly different than that of the much colder and cynical persona his daughter Miwa so often displays. A persona because as a Master, and as someone who has raised four teenagers whom all have a wide variety when it comes to lying convincingly. The bottom of that particular skill set being Leonardo and the top being Donatello, he knew an act when he saw one, even if it was an act that was rarely dropped. This was a side of his daughter he had caught a glimpse into, but Yoshi never imagined Miwa covering up so much internal agony. His daughter looked pale and sick, her face was flush and her body language was clingy.

"What is going on here?" he asked both of them but seeing as Miwa was trying to replace her persona, it left Leonardo to explain the current predicament.

His son's face contorted into a few facial expressions as he worked to find one, which was again further reason why Leonardo was the best son to ask when something was amiss as his face would give him away before his words could. "Uhh…. Well, uhm, you see Master Splinter, uh Karai and I were-”

"I had a nightmare" Miwa croaked. Yoshi noted he was not the only one to know of Leonardo's inability to concoct a believable scenario in which he would be found holding her on his lap that would not shatter whatever image she has formed for herself.

However a nightmare does not explain how one ends up going from upstairs where a nightmare occurs to downstairs in the bathroom under the sink. He sat down, far enough to give then their space and leaving Miwa with a clear escape route if she so chooses it. Through a few trials he learned very quickly that Miwa did not like being cornered, she did not like being touched, and she did not like him calling her by her real name. Curiously, he pressed them both for more details. "You had a nightmare in the bathroom?" he asked.

Despite the fact that Leonardo was amusingly petrified by the idea of him finding out that he was in a relationship with Karai, after all Leonardo was caught hugging Miwa and went out of his way to inform him that it was only a Friendship Hug... he made no move to separate himself from Miwa. This was a protective act, he also noted the wetness lingering on the top edge of his son's plastron. It was clear Miwa had been crying into him.

"No, I had a nightmare upstairs" Miwa said, her voice was stronger but it was hard to see this as anything but a desperate attempt at damage control. At the same time Yoshi admonished himself as he realized this was not the first time Miwa had experienced a nightmare and sought the comfort of Leonardo.

"This has happened before" he said, watching carefully as his son did not react and Miwa sniffled pulling herself away from Leonardo.

"I'm good now, just a stupid nightmare" she claimed, crawling out from under the sink. Now disentangled Leo kept a cautious eye on her and him, torn on how to navigate the invader of their personal moment. As he scooted out from under the sink he offered his son a hand on standing up as he did not have his knee brace. While Leonardo could navigate without it, Yoshi did not enjoy the idea of it especially once he learned of the constant pain his son's knee was always in. Miwa finished washing her face, "It's fine. Thanks Leo for sitting with me" she said before quickly leaving the room.

Yoshi still found it painful to accept that Miwa might never be as open with him as he would like, there was some comfort in knowing that his daughter had found someone to talk to. As he glanced towards Leonardo his son looked away. Yet it still had to be asked. "What really happened?"

Leonardo kept his mouth shut tight. Normally he did not have to ask one of his children about another one of his children. That was until the recent mental health issues with Leonardo that forced Yoshi to question his other sons. He was beginning to believe the abuse Miwa was subjugated to under the man who was once his brother was far worse than even she alluded to. Leonardo's silence confirmed it. Without another word they left the restroom, he helped Leonardo upstairs but stopped him momentarily before reentering the room.

"What you did for her was very kind" he said. There was no harm in assuring Leonardo that what he had done was approved of. It also meant solidifying that if Miwa were to go through another so called nightmare in the future Leonardo had his approval to help her.

Though Yoshi had the sneaking suspicion that his son had been doing this for a long time, and would continue with or without his blessing.

As if he needed more proof of that, the next morning when he was first to rise he made his rounds on all his children to find Miwa and Leonardo tucked up to each other in a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Master Splinter's narrative refer to him as Yoshi because I would think he would internally still identify as the human he is.


	9. Breakfast in Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey takes breakfast upstairs to have with Leo after his close call.

* * *

May 2nd, 2014 | 7:15 am

* * *

“He’s not awake enough to eat that Mikey” Donnie dismissed the second he entered Leo’s room holding two plates of sausage gravy and biscuits. The second Donnie’s brown eyes landed on him, he didn’t even give him a chance to explain.. “He can’t lift his arms, Raph talked to you right?”

A good morning or something would have been nice, it wasn’t like Raph told him Leo couldn’t move, he just said Leo hurt himself real bad and might be stuck in bed today.

And by "might" they meant his wheelchair was in the hallway and no one was going to help him into it, they would carry him to the bathroom when he needs it. Otherwise he was to be in bed.

Also, they needed to wash the wheelchair, because there was blood on the seat… and there was blood on the floor next to the window. They would need to clean both areas up sometime today and they would use that as the excuse if Leo asked to be put in his wheel chair.

Because being honest wasn’t really a thing these days.

Donnie snapped his fingers to grab his attention, “Mikey, he can’t eat, who told you to bring this up here?”

Sometimes when Donnie is stressed, like super stressed, he would take it out on others. Mikey did his best to let it slide, but it still annoyed him. “I’ll feed him” he said easily, sitting their plates on the nightstand.

His brother sighed out super annoyed, like, it was a good thing he came up here, Donnie needed the break obviously, “you know he isn’t going to let you feed him right?”

“Why not?” Mikey asked, “I helped him eat after his coma” which was true. He was really good at feeding Leo too, like they had it down to a system after one day. Leo back then could do the first few then he would shake and it would be Mikey’s turn. No biggie. “And Raph said he lost a lot of blood, so he needs food.”

“I was thinking more so something he could drink” Donnie said like Mikey didn’t understand or comprehend the nuances of taking care of someone after they attempt suicide. _Oops, did I think that? Better not say anything, might get yelled at,_ “through a straw.”

“Or I can put the food on a fork and put the fork in his mouth” Mikey said even slower before looking at Leo who… was asleep.

That wasn’t a great sign.

Donnie gestured to Leo like this proved his point and Mikey frowned. Gently he jostled Leo by the shoulders until he opened his eyes, “hey Leo, I brought breakfast up” he said.

Leo closed his eyes again, not that they had really been open before.

“Pull him up so he’s sitting” Donnie sighed, “I’ll move the pillows around so he’s propped up.”

That was the Donnie that Mikey knew, he sat Leo up (he looked tiredly annoyed at them, like, seriously how dare they try to feed him when he could be asleep) so Mikey tried smiling. Leo decided to try and sleep while sitting up. It was a start.

Once there were enough pillows behind Leo to keep him upright, Donnie gave him a pat on the shoulder, “I’ll be up again after breakfast, Mikey, if he eats he can take some pain killers” his voice was considerably nicer and held hints of a future apology.

Donnie probably had only drank one pot of coffee on top of everything, Mikey reminded himself.

With the door closed, and their breakfast now just warm and no longer steaming, Mikey decided to take Leo’s plate and start loading up the first forkful. “You heard D, right Leo?” he asked bringing the fork to Leo’s impassive face, “if you eat you can have pain killers.”

Leo didn’t react to that, but he also didn’t open his mouth.

“It’s kind of hard for us to eat breakfast together if you don’t eat” Mikey said, holding the fork in front of Leo’s lips.

It was probably embarrassing, it might have been just the two of them but Leo hated being fed. It made him feel like a baby.

Mikey put the fork back on the plate, his eyes traced Leo’s heavily bandaged arms. He touched Leo’s fingers and they were cold. Already in the few seconds of silence Leo had drifted off to sleep, or at least just closed his eyes.

His own eyes kept getting pulled to the spot on the floor under the window… there must have been a lot of blood. “You should go eat breakfast” Leo murmured. “I just want to sleep.”

“I’ll have a bite from my plate once you take a bite from yours” Mikey said turning back to his brother.

Leo cracked his eyes open again and Mikey picked up his plate and fork, happy to feed him if he was the least bit willing.

“Come on” Mikey goaded, “I know you’re hungry.”

Resigning himself to it Leo opened his mouth. Slowly they both managed to eat breakfast, with Mikey bringing warm forkfuls of gravy covered biscuits to his brother’s mouth while ignoring the intense sadness wrapping around his heart.

Watching Leo struggle to stay awake made Mikey mad almost, certainly upset. Why didn’t Raph or Donnie wake him up? If Leo was this sluggish it had to have been a lot of blood, like life threatening amounts of blood. And no one woke him up?

Mikey was careful to make sure he was smiling when Leo’s eyes reopened. His brother didn't need to know he was upset, he didn't want Leo to think he was mad at him.

He figured there was no point in getting every last drop of food off of Leo’s plate when he got the majority of it in him. He set their plates off to the side (now empty as they should be, though Mikey felt like he could eat seven more plates) and took Leo’s hand, deciding to just sit next to his brother until Donnie or someone else came in.

Not that Leo could exactly do anything in his current state but lay there.

The least he could do for Leo was just stay nearby.

He avoided Leo during his coma.

But he was here now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Drabble about Mikey seeing Leo's spirit during his coma (during chapter 4) yes? no? Might be too soon, might reveal endgame plans, idk)


	10. Fuck, Marry, Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a power outage The Turtles introduce April to their own version of "Fuck, Marry, Kill." Let the chaos begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happens during chapter 39 and chapter 39 ain't even out yet. Madness. (No spoilers, just chaos.)
> 
> (Maybe don't read while eating)

* * *

August 23rd, 2014 | 9:55 pm

* * *

"Oh I know!" Mikey said, "let's play Fuck, Marry, Kill!"

Master Splinter, in the darkness of the farmhouse still managed to look over from his seat in the dining room, candlelight reflecting off of his eyes in a very ominous manner.

"Kiss, Marry, Kill" Mikey corrected with a small laugh.

Once Master Splinter turned back around, he was choosing to read at the table but April already could tell he had one ear on the five of them in the living room. It was hard enough to convince him to let them eat all the ice cream (excluding Ice Cream Kitty of course) since it would go bad. Mikey's pet was enjoying a stay in the freezer with some dry ice.

They of course had to make room by eating all the ice cream and what goes better with ice cream than stupid games. Donnie shifted, "how about we avoid topics of a sexual nature" he said, licking his spoon clean.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him, pushing on that psychic bond they had. Despite everything that had happened to Donnie he actually took topics of sex pretty well, it wasn't one of his triggers. Not like metal utensils being set down on metal surfaces.

He handed her the pint of Ben and Jerry's "Coffee Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz", because April was in her monthly and didn't feel like sharing ice cream with anyone but Donnie. She wasn't aware she would have to draw that line until she saw Leo, Mikey, and Raph were splitting a five quart tub of store brand cookies and cream. That would be so bad, but not only were they sharing the tub of ice cream they were also sharing the same large spoon. Even Donnie was using his own spoon.

Then again she didn't know why it shocked her because when Raph caught Mikey using his toothbrush he ripped it out of his mouth and put in directly in his own. No rinsing, no cleaning, no checking for bits of food. That toothbrush went from Mikey's mouth to Raph's only to have Donnie come in and think it was his toothbrush and do the same exact thing with zero hesitation except he took it out and looked at it before hypothesizing that it might be Leo's. Then Leo had wheeled over and popped his head in and asked if Mikey was done brushing his teeth and all three of them asked if the cross-contaminated toothbrush was his and he said no while holding up his toothbrush. Then he said it looked like Mikey's.

So Mikey snatched the toothbrush back from Donnie and continued brushing his teeth like nothing had happened.

The worst part was that it actually wasn't Mikey's toothbrush at all.

It was hers.

She threw it away, and got a new one and decided to never ever store her toothbrush in the bathroom.

"Yes, it's hard to explain" he said back. "I just think it would be best to stay away from sexual topics."

April frowned.

"Kissing ain't sexual" Raph said even though they all knew what kissing really meant, "who goes first?"

"April's the guest" Mikey said, waiting for Leo to get done with his spoonful of ice cream so he could have a go. "She should go first."

"Okay...." she said tapping her chin in thought, "Kevin Bacon, Matt Bomer, Christian Bale."

"Those are all guys" Raph said offended.

"I don't know any of those people" Mikey said.

Leo sighed, "Chirstian Bale plays Batman, Matt Bomer is Neal from White Collar and Kevin Bacon is... Kevin Bacon."

"Val McKee from Tremors" Donnie said, Mikey's eyes widened in sudden understanding. "Okay I'll marry Kevin Bacon, kill Christian Bale, and kiss Matt Bomer."

"I'm not doing this if there's only dudes" Raph muttered.

"I agree with Donnie, but switch Bale and Bacon" Leo said.

Donnie nodded, "reason?"

"I don't want my last name to be Bacon" he said with a shrug.

His brothers digested this, "but Bacon would be a bombing last name" Mikey countered.

"No, I'm with Leo" Raph said, "I don't wanna be named after a breakfast food, Donnie?"

"Okay, marry Bale, kill Bacon, kiss Bomer" he said, "Leo wins."

April looked at them confused, "wait what going on?"

"Oh we don't play like regular, the majority has to agree and the one who first presents the most agreed upon sequence wins" Donnie explained.

"Okay" Mikey said around a his spoon, "the Blob from The Blob, one of those worm things from Tremors, and a Kraang Alien. Go!"

Before April can recover, chaos ensues. "The Blob from which movie?" Leo asked.

Mikey considered this, "uhhhh the second one?"

"The 1972 one?" Donnie said.

"Are you guys seriously choosing movie monsters?" April asked in disbelief which was flat out ignored.

"Do I have to form a romantic relationship with them before we _kiss_ or is it like a one time deal?" Leo asked, and these were questions she did not expect Leo to ask with such seriousness.

Mikey pondered this with more ice cream and passed the tub to Raph who licked Mikey's spoon clean, which was really their collective spoon, but still April gagged. "Nah" he said.

"So a prostitute?" Raph asked.

Master Splinter turned around.

"For _kissing_" he added.

Master Splinter turned back to his book.

"What are you going for?" Donnie thought to her, like she was even going to bother with this. "I'm thinking kill The Blob for sure."

Mikey sighed, "fine, uh, you have to also be able to sit through a pleasant date with them."

"Like to a fancy place?" Raph asked, "I don't have very much money."

"No" Mikey had acquired the spoon back and used it to gesture, "like maybe you have to take them to a movie? I don't know how people date!"

Donnie felt around for the ice cream container April was hogging, she handed it over and noticed that even blind he was still strategically scraping all the chocolate chips off of his side on the ice cream tub and pushing them to her side. Which was not only sweet but impressive in its own right. "Okay, I say across the board kill The Blob."

His brothers nodded speaking their agreements. No one wanted <strike>their genitals</strike>\- their _lips_ burned off when they went in for that _earth shattering kiss_ at the end of their romantic date. "Okay I say kill The Blob" Raph started, "kiss the worm, and marry the Kraang Alien."

Donnie twisted his mouth, "okay so where are you going to take the worm on a date?"

"We will go dirt bike riding in the desert, I will challenge the worm to a race the winner gets _kissed_ and.... " he held up his finger, "the loser also gets _kissed_."

"Do you have to _kiss_ the worm until you're _happy_, or until the worm is _happy_, or until both?" Leo asked and April will never get tired of listening to Leo avoid all the words he is too pure to say.

Mikey looked shocked, "what do you mean kiss until you're _happy_?" he asked.

Leo frowned and leaned in to whisper something into Mikey's ear. Raph and Donnie tried to scoot closer to hear what Leo was saying but he had his hand cupped around his mouth and it seemed like he was whispering right into Mikey's ear slit. April wished she still had the ability to hear the gist of thoughts but it appeared Mikey was a little shaken up. He pulled away from Leo horrified and then Leo's face dropped into a scowl and he tugged Mikey to get up and follow him.

"What's going on?" Donnie asked.

"I think Leo is about to ruin Mikey's life" Raph said spooning more ice cream into his mouth, "poor kid."

"WHAT?" Mikey yelled from the other room, "YOU MEAN INSIDE?"

Leo shushed him, there was more whispering, then they came back. "Okay, yes you both have to be _happy_" Mikey said, "I didn't know you had to..." he started mimicking the motions of masturbation, "inside" he whispered out shocked.

"Mikey what did you think _kissing_ was?" Donnie asked, "I mean you've had the talk-"

"I didn't know you had to make the _good feeling_ inside someone else!" he exclaimed.

Donnie pinched the space between his eyes, "how else would you ejaculate?"

"I just thought it goes in and then the stuff just comes out on its- why are you guys looking at me like that!" Mikey yelled. "If it's inside something how am I gonna make it _go_ anyways?"

Leo leaned over and whispered something.

"Oh" Mikey said in thought, "well I guess we all learned something knew today, huh?"

Raph blinked, "no, only you."

"So Raph, how are you going to make the worm _happy_?" Donnie asked.

"You know" he said, "once we are done with our race the sun will be setting" he used his hand to represent the sun lowering over the horizon... "actually I think I like the worm I'm going to marry it. Yeah. Kill The Blob, marry the worm, and kiss the Kraang Alien."

"You can't just change your answer" Mikey argued, apparently already recovering from learning some more details about sex.

Leo raised his hand, "okay, I say kill The Blob, marry the Kraang Alien, and kiss the worm."

"Explain" Mikey said.

"I'll take Raph's date idea, as the sun setting I make my move" he said deadly serious.

It didn't help that the candlelight was flickering over his face in an ominous, and it also didn't help that it seemed like Leo was really good at this game despite the subject matter.

Raph was skeptical, "your move?" he said skeptically.

"The worm is large, quick in and out" he said, in his mission tone. "They won't know I'm there."

The same tone could be used to describe how he was going to infiltrate a Kraang base or something, April was quickly losing her mind and silently wishing she hadn't used up all her phone battery so she could record this.

"And how will you make the worm _happy_?" Raph asked.

Leo looked Raph in the eye, "the worm may use me as I have used the worm."

She expected Raph to say something rational, or to at least look a little weirded out. "Okay..." Raph said, "but what if it's a boy worm?"

No, they were to deep into this now. "The worm" Leo repeated dead serious, "may use me as I have used the worm."

"Donnie how do worms reproduce?" Mikey asked hugging the tub of ice cream to his chest while rocking back and forth. They shouldn't have let him eat so much, he'll give himself a stomach ache. Raph and Leo were still staring at each other.

"Earthworms are hermaphrodites, they fertilize each other's eggs" Donnie said.

"What about the worms from Tremors?"

"Those aren't real, I don't know" Donnie said.

Leo cocked his head, "where will you take the Kraang Alien on a date?" he asked Raph.

Raph shrugged, "I don't know" he said twisting his face up, "The Red Lobster?"

"Oh, get the cheddar biscuits!" Mikey piped in, suddenly excited.

"Why a Kraang Alien?" Donnie asked.

At this Raph looked suddenly very awkward, "well I would know how to make one happy because I was one."

Shocked silence.

"What?" he asked, "also, I think the worm and I would have more in common."

"Can't argue that" Leo, Donnie and Mikey all muttered in unison.

Raph growled, "Leo is over here letting the worm have its way with him-"

"-as I had my way with the worm-"

"-and I'm the weirdo for choosing the thing I know?" Raph asked.

April admitted to herself that it was almost logical what Raph was saying. She didn't want to think to hard about the time she swapped bodies with Casey, but even without experimenting, she could feel what parts of Casey were sexual. So maybe Raph, who spent a much longer time as a Kraang Alien, knew what part of those weird squishy brains were... sensitive.

"You know what Leo?" Raph asked, "I don't think I'd be able to finish the job with the worm, it's be like thrusting into a hole in the wall, where's the build up, the scene."

"Okay!" Donnie interrupted with an awkward laugh, "I agree with Leo, kill The Blob, kiss the worm, and marry the Kraang Alien. April?" he asked turning to her.

She shook her head and said "no," there were some things she just would not put to thought. "Why are you acting so weird about sex suddenly?"

"It's not me that I'm uncomfortable for."

April didn't understand, she knew Donnie was keeping something from her, she just wasn't sure what. She rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed his arm. "Well I'm still confused on how you are able to do that in front of someone else" Mikey said.

"Mikey" April started, she really sometimes feel like Mikey's older sister, "when you do it with someone you really like it won't be embarrassing or hard to do... it'll be fun."

"Well April" Mikey said, "I think we have different definitions of the word _fun_."

She didn't even bother trying to argue that, she just sighed.

Mikey stirred the tub of ice cream, it was now a liquid. "Well it sounds like Leo wins again" Mikey said, "Raph you're up, what's the line up?"

"Hey don't drink all that" Leo said as soon as Mikey started guzzling the melted ice cream down. "You'll make yourself sick" he said taking it and drinking some himself.

"Hey!" Raph argued, "don't ya hog it Leo!"

With a dangerous glare, Leo gave Raph the tub with a bit of aggression. Raph upended it into his mouth, "wait I wanted the cookie and cream bits at the bottom!" Mikey said.

Raph rolled his eye, swallowed awkwardly before spitting the cookie bits back into the bucket in a large glob, "there ya go" he said handing the bucket back to Mikey.

"I'm okay with not being able to see this" Donnie thought to her.

That was her warning to close her eyes, but she didn't take it. She watched as Mikey took the large spoon and gathered up the cookie remnants. Leo and Raph's face were identical, it reminded April about that phenomenon her Psychology teacher talked about how when people live together for a long time they start making similar faces at things. In that moment both Raph and Leo watched with disgust and horror as Mikey ate that spoonful of cookie bits.

Mikey didn't even look happy, he chewed slowly and awkwardly and April felt her stomach twist. Mikey swallowed and placed the spoon and tub on the coffee table, even he didn't seem to know why he had done that.

After a full few seconds of silence Raph spoke. "A Teletubby, The Hulk, and... Crognard" he said still staring at Mikey now with concern.

The baby of the Hamato family still seemed to be processing what he just did, or why he did it. Leo rubbed his shell in a comforting manner. It would have been a good time to ask if Mikey was okay, instead he asked which Teletubby and Mikey said it better be the green one because he was the best.

April silently wished for the power to come back on soon, the rain still pouring outside told her it would be a long time.


	11. Listening Is An Act Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Leonardo struggles with worsening suicidal thoughts, Yoshi offers his son the space to say what he feels without belittling his words. After all the best thing a parent can do is listen to their child, not tell them that what they are saying is something they don't really mean.

* * *

August 29th, 2014 | 1:20 pm

* * *

Stress kills turtles.

Yoshi was five when he and his brother Saki found a turtle, a Japanese Pond Turtle. Overjoyed in their discovery, and being naive… they used the innocent creature as a toy. They took it out of the water and tried to get it to walk places, they brought it home and giggled when it couldn’t find traction on the hard floors. So unlike the comfort of the pond that was its natural habitat. When it clenched up, its legs close as could be to its shell, its head tucked in, they poked at it to come out.

The turtle died.

Confused, and not understanding how their new friend was once a vibrant energy filled turtle swimming in a pond, had turned into a now limp lifeless thing they brought it to their father. Yoshi’s father, Yuuta, was not a kind man. He was not gentle in his words and he spoke the truth, they had killed it. Yoshi and Saki cried that they did not mean to and their father told them it did not matter what their child-like intentions were, they had killed it. They ripped a creature from its home that had done nothing to them and antagonized it until it died from stress.

While Saki was sad, and while he did help create the little grave site near the pond where they found the turtle, it was Yoshi who weeks later was still wracked with guilt over the death of the turtle. So much so that he offered chopped up vegetables every morning to the pond and waited a distance away for the pond for turtles to crawl to land and eat his apology. His father followed him one morning, watched him offer the vegetables and lay a piece of cucumber on the grave of the dead one. In a moment of rare kindness his father took him roughly by the arm and made for him to sit down next to the pond. He told Yoshi that he was his mother’s son, and that Mei was too kind for her own good. She was an extremely empathetic woman and she took death hard. His father told him that while he and his brother had killed the turtle, they had not done it out of malice, but out of ignorance.

There was a difference.

For them, the living, there was a difference.

For the turtle, there was none.

It was dead.

That stuck with Yoshi more than anything.

.

.

.

“I have spoken to Dr. Baker, we will be headed up to the house soon, she canceled her afternoon classes since she is delayed in getting up there” Dr. Rockwell said distractedly his mind juggling multiple tasks, Yoshi stood next to the phone feeling numb, the man’s words were professional and calm. “I am bringing a sedative.”

“It cannot be in pill form he will bring it back up” Yoshi said, he had stopped pushing water on Leonardo fearing that he was only inducing vomiting. While his son needed water his heart rate was sporadic and his energy was low, violently throwing up was doing more harm than dry fasting.

Dr. Rockwell hummed, “yes, it’s an injection, I am also leaving you with a few syringes and a vial. If this happens again and he cannot keep the tea down. Do you know how to administer sedatives?”

In the living room Donatello and April pretended they weren’t listening in, “no, I do not.” He felt like he should, when that was by itself ridiculous, he was not a doctor nor a vet.

“I can show you it’s very simple” Dr. Rockwell said, on the other end he could hear the man packing a bag. “Now that both Donatello and Leonardo are taking medications that can have such side effects, it would be safer to have ways of immediately sedating them, it will be a few hours before we arrive” the man paused. “Try to get some water into him, if you can.”

“He will bring it back up, I worry about the stress of continued vomiting” he said, not liking the idea of again having to coax Leonardo into drinking water only to have him bring it up. Watching helplessly as his son becomes violently sick, even spending a long time afterward just dry heaving. It causes him to sweat, and to cry, and it felt like forcing water on him did more harm.

Dr. Rockwell sighed, “I know, encourage it and anti-acid tablets could help calm his stomach, I will see you in a few hours.”

“Thank you” Yoshi said, hanging up the phone.

Before he could gather his thoughts, Michelangelo was next to him, “Raph called for you, Leo’s nose is bleeding.”

Yoshi nodded calmly despite the way his heart rate spiked, he placed a paw on his youngest son’s shoulder. “Thank you, would you please stay down here with April and Donatello?”

His youngest son was hesitant, grimacing at the idea. However Michelangelo had spent the entire morning with Leonardo, even forgoing lunch in order to stay by his side.

“I know you want to be there for your brother, but you have spent all morning with him” Yoshi said, his son nodded once, “take a break for your own well being. There is bread and lunch meat in the refrigerator, make yourself something to eat.”

“Okay” Michelangelo said, more out of obedience than actual willingness. With that he had to leave his uncertain son to tend to Leonardo. It was times like this when Yoshi could only really focus on one son at a time, and right then Leonardo was his biggest concern.

Yoshi headed upstairs. The day was already very chaotic and it felt much later than it actually was. Once Leonardo shared his worsening suicidal thoughts Yoshi made sure he was safe physically from harming himself and then called both Dr. Baker and Dr. Rockwell. Dr. Baker agreed to drive up later than she usually would so she could not only help Leonardo through his crisis but also still talk with Donatello for their normal session, she also suggested that if either Raphael or Michelangelo needed to talk she would be willing to listen to them and offer help with processing the day… and some of the things Leonardo had said aloud.

Suicide tends to impact bystanders harshly as well. All of his sons were closer now and it seemed that Leonardo’s discomfort rippled through his siblings. The same was true of Donatello. For Yoshi he saw Michelangelo and Raphael as buffers, naturally trying to shield the two most distraught brother’s away from each other. It could not be easier to referee such things, and Yoshi wished Leonardo would lean more on him and Dr. Baker than Michelangelo.

The large bedroom upstairs had the blinds drawn keeping the room dim. His eyes easily adjusted as he closed the door and came over to Raphael and Leonardo. The latter was on the edge of the bed holding a wad of tissues to his face, immediately Yoshi could smell the exposed blood. A stained spot of blood was on Leonardo’s pillow at the head of the bed and there were brown streaks of blood that had been blotted away trailing down his neck.

Yoshi sat next to his son on the edge of the bed. “His nose is bleeding” Raph said quietly, holding a box of tissues. “Is that bad?”

Yoshi took a closer look at Leonardo’s face, noting that his son was staring straight ahead at the wall while holding the tissues against his snout. He did not want to alarm Raphael, while his son’s concerns were valid, freaking out over a nosebleed wouldn’t help the situation. However it did look like a moderate nosebleed. “No, anxiety raises blood pressure which makes nose bleeds more likely” he said calmly. “It is nothing to be alarmed about.”

Raphael found this comforting, his posture relaxing a little bit.

“Would you go into the bathroom and bring me a hot washcloth and a dry hand towel?” he asked.

His son nodded, standing up and leaving to do so while Yoshi gently pulled Leo’s hand away from his face to reveal the clump of blood soaked tissues. It was a severe nosebleed he realized, hearing Leonardo swallow and making a mental note to now be alarmed if later he vomits up blood.

Carefully he let Leonardo place the tissue back against his face while moving to take the Kleenex box and pull out ten tissues which he neatly stacked on his lap before carefully folding in half twice to create a fresh pad for his son’s nose.

“Leonardo, how is your head?” Yoshi asked, trading out the soiled wad of tissues for the fresh replacement. Thankfully there was a clean bucket near Leonardo’s bedside for Yoshi to throw the tissues in. The smell of blood was very fresh, the last time he had smelled it so pungently had been when Leonardo had removed the soiled materials he had become overwhelmed with as a result of his self harm.

Seeing blood on Leonardo was a very troubling and all too common sight.

“Still hurts” his son said, his voice was raw and stuffy

Yoshi placed his hand over his son’s head. Leonardo felt normal aside from the slight tremble and the way he very discreetly leaned into his hand. “Have our feelings on water changed?” he asked, moving to sit closer to his son.

“I'll get sick” Leonardo said, and given that had happened the last three times Yoshi had coaxed him into taking a few sips of water the man didn’t doubt his son’s claim.

Raphael returned with the requested towel and washcloth. Yoshi used it to wipe off Leonardo’s neck and hands where he had initially tried to catch the blood while Raphael changed the pillowcase without prompting. His son took the dirty towels and pillowcase to the laundry hamper and came back to see where he could be of any further assistance.

The clock read one thirty and Yoshi rubbed Leonardo’s shell while wishing Dr. Rockwell and Dr. Baker would arrive soon. “How are the affirmations working?” he asked, raking his claws with the grain of his son’s shell. Dr. Baker had been gracious enough to help talk Leonardo down this morning and reminded him to use positive thoughts to challenge the rising negative ones.

However that was so very hard to do.

Leonardo shuddered, “I'm trying, I'm trying Master Splinter-” his voice broke, “my head hurts so bad.”

“If you could hold down a little water you could take something for your headache” Yoshi said reaching behind them on the bed for one of the many throw blankets.

Raphael quickly helped put a blanket over Leonardo’s shoulders, standing awkwardly in the room as he wasn’t sure what to do once the blanket was on.

Yoshi pulled the blanket around Leo’s shoulders, “Dr. Rockwell is coming up here in a few hours to check you over” he said, hoping the blanket would stop his son from shivering so much. “He will likely take a few blood samples.”

Leonardo nodded and Yoshi decided to withhold the detail about the sedative. His son didn’t like being knocked out while at the same time Yoshi worried about his son’s heart and the amount of anxiety he was currently going through. “I think it's stopped” Leonardo said, pulling the tissues away from his nose. Yoshi nearly deflated in relief upon seeing the tissues had a drop of blood.

“We knew there was a distinct possibility that the medication might have a negative effect on you” Yoshi said gently, taking the tissues and discarding them. “This is in no way your fault.”

“I asked her to move my dosage up” Leonardo said like he was admitting to a great crime.

Yoshi placed the flat of his hand on his son’s chest, he knew Dr. Baker moved the dosage up and he knew that Leonardo asked but it in no way meant his son did something wrong. “Leonardo” he started, quickly trying to find the correct words.

Raphael sat next to Leonardo placing a hand on his brother’s shell, it was at that instance that Leonardo started crying.

“I just want it to stop” he begged barely putting any voice behind his words, “I just want it to stop I don't want to do this anymore. I want to die, I want to die, I just wanted to die.”

“Raphael, please go downstairs” Yoshi said quietly while Leonardo cried into his hands.

Raphael opened his mouth to protest.

“Now” Yoshi said and his tone left no room for rebuttal.

With a goodbye squeeze to Leonardo’s shoulder Raphael left the room, closing the door a little louder than he needed to on his way out.

“I just want to die” Leonardo sobbed, pressing into Yoshi’s side. “I wish they had killed me. I wish they had killed me I don't want to be alive-” he stop short pulling his hands away from his face to reveal more blood.

Yoshi plucked more tissues from the box and quickly made a replacement pad. “It is okay” he murmured pressing the tissues against his son’s face, “you are safe here Leonardo. You are safe.”

His son nodded, taking the tissues for himself with a shaking hand. “Say it back” Yoshi said while replacing the blanket that had fallen off of Leonardo’s shoulders.

“I am safe” his son repeated quietly.

Yoshi put an arm around his shoulders, squeezing gently, “you are worthy of help and compassion.”

Leonardo had ideas about needing to recover immediately and that he was taking up finite resources by being vulnerable. He stayed quiet taking deep breaths in and out his mouth.

“Say it back.”

“I am safe” Leonardo repeated, voice still tight. “I am worthy” he mouthed some more things afterwards that Yoshi didn’t catch.

“Good” he praised. “You are safe Leonardo and this is the place and the time to be having this reaction to the medication. Where you are safe, and where I can help keep you safe. You are already making me proud.”

He again felt Leonardo’s chest, to feel his heart beating painfully hard. He felt so helpless in that moment, wishing desperately that he could calm his son.

“Try to stay calm Leonardo” he whispered, pulling his son into a hug. “We will conquer today, and we will figure out a way to treat your depression.”

His son nodded into the front of his robe.

“It will be okay my son, dark days are not forever.”

“I'm sorry I said those things I'm sorry-” Leonardo tried to say but his voice cut off.

“I would much prefer you say what you are feeling than hold it inside where it can do nothing but hurt you” Yoshi said immediately.

How he wished his son would just talk to him, but Leonardo stayed silent from that point forward. Leaving Yoshi to hope Dr. Rockwell and Dr. Baker would arrive soon.

For he wasn’t confident he was doing right by his son even in this moment.


	12. The Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph has a very specific routine for whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night.

* * *

August 5th, 2014 | 2:32 am

* * *

Whenever Raph woke up, he would wake up Donnie. It was their deal and it was impervious to all rational thought. If Raph needed to tinkle in the middle of the night he would shake Donnie awake, pulling him from the grasp of chemically induced sleep.

That way Donnie could wait sitting up on gray cloud with a few hints on movement shining through. It was like looking through warped and melted glass. He understood better now about what Raph had meant months ago when he lost an eye. How his eyes would try and try to focus on something and it wouldn’t work. His brain tried to see a room he could never see again and there was a tension behind his eyeballs. Like pulling on a restraint over and over again vaguely aware he was only tearing up his wrist and not getting free.

His eyes tried, he could feel his pupils dilate fully then shrink to pin pricks. Trying every combination to see just one thing clearly, to break through the shapes and splotches of color.

He pulled his knees to his chest. His father lay on the floor awake and silent. April lay on the other bed it the deepest level of REM sleep. It was such a strange feeling, when she was asleep and he was awake he felt like he was in a dream. A very lucid dream.

April said it felt unreal to her. She would be studying and Donnie would nap and then suddenly she was half convinced she was in a dream. Side effect of being a hivemind they guessed.

A lick of movement in the dark hall, a little of the light on the stove int the kitchen bled into the hall catching the green of Raph’s skin. It's enough to have Donnie eagerly scooting over again ready to be completely encompassed by the safety of Raph's arms.

"Ya good?" Raph asked as quietly as he could. He sounded tired and not fully awake.

Donnie nodded and snuggled closer to his brother's chest, his legs twisted together knees bumping into Raph’s shins, his arms held against his chest. His carapace to the wall, his forehead pressed against Raph's neck. This was safety. Humiliating safety but much needed safety. "Are they okay?"

"They're sleepin'" Raph affirms, pulling he wool knitted blanket up to Donnie’s skullcap. "Leo's latched on to Mikey like a barnacle."

Donnie nodded again, let out a little sigh of air as he closed his eyes.

Whenever Raph woke up to go to the bathroom he woke up Donnie and then before coming back to their shared bed would go upstairs and check of Leo.

After all, it had been the one thing that saved Leo's life all those months ago.


	13. Leo's Big Score

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With an approaching winter storm, Leo comes back with a lot of KFC that he supposedly found in the road. How will his family react to the haul?

* * *

January 2013

* * *

Donnie was freezing, he was holding his fingers under hot water. It was safe to do that now after gradually raising the temp from cool to lukewarm to warm to nice and hot.

Mentally, he started categorizing what food they had gotten and how long it would be good. A lot of fresh vegetables were given to them, but how long would they keep in the fridge? They had enough for the big snow storm coming, just none of it was particularly nice food. If push came to shove Master Splinter could go to the surface and get them more food. And if that didn’t work there was always algae and worms to fill in the gaps.

Donnie and his brothers would need to stay in The Lair where it was warm. Already the cold was having a negative effect on them. Making them sluggish and sick.

“Donatello, how are your hands,” Master Splinter asked, coming up behind Donnie and looking over his shoulder into the sink.

“They’re doing better Sensei,” Donnie said. “Just trying to keep the blood to them.”

Master Splinter nodded sagely. “You and your brothers did well. Raphael returned home with enough bread for a month.”

“Oh?” Donnie asked. “That’s great! That’s going to be-”

“Plenty of food,” Master Splinter said before Donnie could calculate how many slices of bread per day the family went through. “You do not need to worry. We are never in danger of starving.”

“Okay,” Donnie said, not meeting his father’s eyes.

He just worried about his brothers going hungry for him.

“Go sit with Raphael. Help warm him up with Michelangelo,” Master Splinter said, turning off the water and putting a towel in Donnie slightly numb hands.

Knowing it was an order, not an option, he trudged out of the kitchen towards the pit. Raph was sitting in front of the space heater with a blanket around his shoulders. Mikey was hanging on his right side trying to warm him.

The sight of it was nice. The winter months usually brought them a bit closer. Then he frowned looking around.

“Where’s Leo?” Donnie asked.

“Dunno,” Raph grumbled. “We split off, said he was going to check another dumpster and sent me back by myself so I hit up a few other places and found jack shit that wasn’t soaked in trash soup.”

Donnie grimaced and sat down on Raph’s other side. He wasn’t going to hug Raph though, they weren’t the hugging type. He would still allow Raph to passively leech off his body heat.

Turtles in nature huddle together to regulate their temperature from getting too hot or cold. This was why naturally having the coldest turtle adjust to The Lair again by getting scale to scale contact with turtles who’d already warmed up worked the best. The science behind it was fascinating and likely how they were able to survive such harsh winters as children.

“Did he ditch you for Karai?” Donnie wondered, a bit jaded if Leo had.

Sure he had ditched to hang out with April but that was different. April was their friend. Karai was their enemy.

“For a genius you ain’t very smart,” Raph grumbled. “Course he did. Damn I hate her. What the fuck does she got that makes him all gooey eyed over her?”

“I hope he’s okay,” Mikey said quietly.

For a second Donnie felt shitty, it was cold out. He had gotten frostbite just from not paying attention and Leo was slimmer than Raph and Mikey. Then the turnstiles clicked and they heard bags rustling.

“Holy shit, Leo!” Mikey yelled, running over to the bundled up turtle and taking the bags. “Please tell me there's actually- Oh my god!”

Raph and Donnie were right behind him. Leo handed Raph the cup he had been holding.

“I have to go to the bathroom real bad, save some for me,” Leo said, quickly hustling to the restroom not even bothering to shed his winter gear.

“I forgive him,” Raph said, sucking down some of the drink. “I forgive him. Fried chicken? Are you kidding me? Fucker scored huge if he hadn’t sent me home I’d be in this glory too!”

“Yeah, but all you brought home is bread!” Mikey teased, still in awe of all the fast food. “You the man Leo!” he hollered in the direction of the bathroom.

“Let’s get this into the kitchen,” Donnie suggested. “That seems cold, we will probably want to warm it up.”

They moved to the kitchen where Master Splinter was still trying to fit everything that needed to be in the fridge, in the fridge. He raised his head and sniffed the air.

“Leo scored big Sensei!” Mikey said, sitting the bag on the table.

Master Splinter helped them assess the order. The order was in parts. The first small box looked like a meal-deal of some sort. It had two pieces of chicken, a biscuit, mashed potatoes with gravy, and a cookie. Probably also where the soda came from.

Donnie hoped he could snag those mashed potatoes.

The rest of the order was strange. Five popcorn chickens. Perfect since there were five mutants down here. A dozen of those cookies, totaling thirteen cookies. Two buckets of chicken with sixteen pieces each. This was more than enough food for them all to eat once and then have seconds.

Which was probably exactly what they would do. Stuff themselves and then sleep for the next twenty four hours.

The bottom of the bag had twenty eight barbecue sauce cups.

The volume of food was shocking. The fact that all of it looked fairly fresh was just beyond Donnie’s mind. And Donnie’s mind was a vast expanse. Just not one that would ever hope to see so much fresh human food at once without paying.

With their father’s help they dished out five fair plates. Donnie managed to secure the mashed potatoes and gravy. Mikey got the extra cookie. They left the biscuit for Leo knowing he likes those, and Raph got the soda.

“Hey Leo! Hurry up!” Mikey called from the kitchen down the hall.

Donnie got up to check on Leo, he had been in the bathroom for a long time now. Twenty minutes so far, and his plate would probably be in the microwave after Mikey’s was done. Raph was already back in the pit in front of the space heater and that’s where Leo should be too.

“Leo, you okay?” Donnie asked through the door.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Leo said.

It was possible Leo just really had to go to the bathroom Donnie reasoned as he headed back into the kitchen. Then again Donnie was still recovering from what happened last month. With the Technodrome in the harbor and how Leo just… moved on after almost dying.

Not that Donnie wanted him to struggle, but the fact that he was so cool with everything...

It was unnerving.

“Leonardo is still in the bathroom, I take it?” Master Splinter asked.

Donnie nodded, he wanted to bring it up to Master Splinter, that something didn’t feel right but before he could his father was handing him his plate of food and urging him out of the kitchen.

“Your brother is fine. Go eat. I will warm up his meal and leave it covered for him,” Master Splinter said.

Hunger and parental orders made the fifteen year old leave. He joined Raph and Mikey in the pit to enjoy his meal. They were both so busy chewing that they didn’t talk. After warming up his and Leo’s plate, Master Splinter joined them.

The savory and juicy chicken was a delight. Having meat like this was a treat. The food was oily and fatty and sure to put them in a relaxed state of sleep tonight. Donnie savored his mashed potatoes and gravy, choosing to eat slow.

Leo came out of the bathroom and quickly went to his room. He glanced at them, but didn’t say anything.

“Your dinner is in the kitchen,” Master Splinter called.

“Thank you, Sensei,” Leo called from his bedroom before reappearing with new wrist wrappings.

Ah, of course digging around in dumpsters his wrappings got dirty. Donnie was put at ease not sure what he thought Leo was going to do. Leo spent a lot of time in his room after the Technodrome sinking.

Leo then went to the kitchen and grabbed his plate before coming to sit with them.

“Leonardo this is an exceptional find,” Master Splinter commented. “Where did you acquire such an intact meal? One might say it looks like it was an order straight from the restaurant itself.”

Donnie felt Leo stiffen next to him.

“To be entirely truthful Sensei, I went a bit further then I was supposed to and found this order after it fell off the top of someone’s car. When they didn’t turn back for it after a few minutes I figured letting so much food go to waste when we could eat it didn’t make sense,” Leo said with a forced casual tone.

Donnie silently wondered how the drink stayed intact if it fell off a car. Or how none of the cookies were broken. Or why none of the cardboard in the bag was dented.

“I see, how fortunate,” Sensei said. “Thank you for this hot meal, Leonardo.”

“Thanks Leo!” Raph and Mikey said with their mouths full of chicken.

Master Splinter shook his head but the food must have had an effect on him as well since he didn’t admonish them for speaking with full mouths.

Donnie leaned over towards Leo. “You feeling okay?” he asked.

His brother was barely touching his food.

“Yeah,” Leo said quickly. “I just had to wipe myself off in the bathroom I got kind of dirty in the dumpster so that’s what I was doing in the bathroom so long and I also had been holding it for the last two hours and then I thought I probably should clip my nails and then I had to put my clothes in the washer because they were dirty,” he rambled before biting into his biscuit.

Donnie nodded. “Okay…” he said, wondering why Leo would lie, and where the hell he had actually gotten this food. “Well thanks Leo.”

Leo smiled at Donnie before looking back at the TV.

With a bad feeling that he had no way to express without sounding crazy or causing family drama, Donnie watched the TV too.

Maybe if he invented a way for his family to fight that would also keep them protected then Leo wouldn’t have to pull such horrible stunts and swallow the residual trauma it caused.

Heh.

Maybe he could make something like the Super Robo Mecha Force Five, only for four turtles. He could call it the Turtle Mech or something.

Now wasn’t that a crazy idea?


End file.
